I read a very beautiful mail recently. It said, those who are always seen as the strongest, are in fact the weakest internally. Those who are always seen helping, caring and protecting others are the ones who need help,love,care and protection the most. And the ones who never show their feelings are the ones who feel it most deeply.

And if the world were to end tomorrow, today all phones,mobiles,chatrooms,email servers and other lines of communication will get jammed. As everyone would want to share their true feelings to the ones they care for the most in the whole world. The messages like 'I love you', 'I am sorry', 'I have always loved you but never told you', 'I respect you a lot', 'I admire you and have always aspired to be like you' will flood the communication channels.

I wish more than believe that all of this is true. Then I too have a hope of ever melting the heart of that one person who behaves as if he doesn't care at all about me. His eyes betray his words, and that makes me keep my hopes of our reconciliation alive. The hopes are quite fragile right now. They might be shattered too. But if they are ever realized, then I will know that this mail was not bullshit. And his care for me always meant his need for the same. And I will surely give it this time most willingly.

It is a title of a movie I had seen long back. I really don't remember the plot much. Except that the heroine was an insomniac like me. Though I can never claim to be such a chronic case like her.

The Hero manages to put her to sleep(literally), by his stories and other efforts.

Do insomniacs dream? Yes they do. Others do it while asleep. They do so all the time.

They daydream. As everyone needs dreams to live. Not just those who can sleep.

Its our dreams only which keep our hopes alive. In the face of the worst of circumstances too, it makes the life livable.

There are dreams which we see and just forget. And some, for which we are ready to sleep forever and afraid that it will end. And some nightmares, which wake us up with a rude shock or a potential heart fail too.

No matter what they are and what they mean to anyone. They are there for everyone. Some people pay attention to the signs they give. Some simply dont remember them.

But the dreams which have the potential to be turned to reality by some positive action, are those which would never let us sleep once we have seen them. With closed or open eyes, at night or in day.

But they are meant to be remembered always till they are realized. They turn into goals.

They are the "Dreams of an insomniac".

They say, " If you hold on to something tight, it will just slip away from the crevices of your own clutching fingers. If you hold it too light, it just flies away......So hold, but with care."

Then why do they say, "If someone or something belongs to you, it will come back to you, no matter what. Might be in some different form or circumstance." It gives a lot of false hopes, as it makes us believe that things as they were, were better. If it was so, then the question of letting go would have never arisen in the first place.

When we let go, it should be as whole hearted and absolute as we hold on to. Because expectations hurt. Because it wouldn't be called a "letting go" otherwise.

We renounce not just to release the others. But we do so for ourselves much more. To fly light basically. Like a bird. Without any weight.......of grudges, pains, fears, insecurities, miseries, doubts.With peace and serenity,calm and composure, just looking ahead towards our goals, full of hope for a meaningful future. No matter how the "today" is. And not being disrupted by trivialities which tend to make us meaner. And broaden our horizons, by looking at the numerous gifts that life has to offer us. And maintaing our self respect and dignity, by being detached and not crying over what's gone.

You can hold on only upto a certain point. Nourish your possession or else its better for both to just "let go".

Its not always about breaking the ties. It is at times about preserving what you have or had. As you wont ever remember the true beauty of it, if you part from it with hard feelings.

So, if you really have to let go, do it before its too late. ( But if you have a chance to save it by holding on carefully, try so too, before its too late.)

I never thought I would become selfish.May be I have been selfish always,but never dared to admit it openly.Or even if I admitted so,I never did anything to justify it.So after my declaration of being selfish in this selfish world(with proper justification of my words),I have officially become its part too.Yes,I have come of age.

Never wanting to ruin my innocence and become so practical that I harm others,I have been putting off this coming of age ceremony for years.But hey,now I do get the compliments of being mature and practical. Someone who can keep her cool in the worst of situations.And think logically and defeating her enemies by doing so.

I really haven't done anything wrong in the process to achieve this feat.I just had to become selfish to realise that I was being wronged and taken for granted.And right now,I am enjoying my newly acquired selfishdom.But it hasn't been so bad after all.It had its share of miseries,deceptions,heartbreaks,shattering of illusions.But as they say, Its the truth,the reality that sets you free.It has made me lighter too.And more confident of facing the world ,of which now I am a part.

Though I crave for my lost innocence, I know it has been the price of learning a major survival tip of this world,which I had to pay.Giving it up was due definitely some day.I now fill my heart with warm memories of my once prized possession,when I see it  in others.

I wish they do not have to give it up to grow like me and become selfish. The world still needs some foolishness and innocence .Though it discards these traits,they still make it beautiful and bearable by being there.

"I will think of it tomorrow,Tomorrow is another day...."

These are the very famous ending lines of an all time classic "Gone with the wind" spoken by the heroine of the novel Scarlet O'Hara.The message is very clear-- Move on with life!!Dont think of the past.Do what you have to do now.Think of it later.
Cool reasoning,the moving on bit is really inspiring,but is there a tomorrow?

Then I heard another one.This one is by "The Steve Jobs"
"Live your life as if there is no tomorrow." Now this is definitely more lively.It asks you to live in a way that you don't have any regrets for tomorrow.

Tomorrow is always uncertain.All we have is our today.We can spend it moping over the past or building firm foundation of our future.
I have been a moping type many a times.But life has taught me some valuable lessons.And I have decided to follow it.I fall into my old pattern some times but then I resume with a new look of confidence and practicality soon.I may have failed somewhere,but that shouldn't stop me from becoming a winner in other areas.If we wish to spend each day of our life in doing something vital or enriching,then each moment of it will be a cherishable memory tomorrow,if indeed we get to see a tomorrow.Cherish what you have today,make the most of it,count your blessings,because there is no tomorrow.So,Make each day count!!(Kya pata,Kal Ho Naa Ho!!)

On one not so fine evening,I was sitting around with a friend who had a decided opinion on some people.Not that I liked the person he cribbed about,but I said that Mr.so&so is not such a bad person at heart really.Then he had a theory,which momentarily I found no answer to.(By the time I had,he had already left.Gosh!I am so slow and Damn!He is too fast for me...)He said,"What a person really is,is reflected in the little things he does.If he is unprincipled and selfish in doing the little things,then whatever goodness you can find in him is just a fake show.The moment he will need nothing from you,he may even harm you.And unfortunately,you find such people very successful in life as they wont think twice before they trample you over for their benefit" .Then he quoted Mahatma Gandhi in "Lage Raho Munnabhai".(Impact of movies,huh?)
As I was feeling really down at the time,so I was speechless.But I can never find in my heart to reject any person completely(specially when he has done no harm to me).Life is full of grey,and believe me,this is what makes it beautiful and interesting.Imagine being surrounded by "Blacks and Whites".Now you know,what I am talking about.If a person is bad,it is because he has some reason to be bad or become bad.Or may be he is being bad unknowingly.This was my argument.No one won the debate as it ended very abruptly.But we need to think from the other person's perspective always to understand the beauty of grey.Can you do it?

Here I am writing after a really long hibernation period.
I came across this beautiful phrase in my new year diary "Success is not the key to happiness,but happiness is the key to success".And very soon again,I found this line again on a friend's forward message.
Now,this was a cue enough for me for my next blog,which I had been planning to write since so long.
I  liked it so much because it relates to me,when I am devoid of worries,secure and happy.Of course,it is very difficult to find too many of such moments these days.But I cherish the little I have got.As they help me to keep my hopes alive no matter what.And it is because of the memory of these rare happy moments,I can come out of any gloomy situation.
Happiness can come out of little things.These little things are spread everywhere.We just prefer to close our eyes to them.Even if there aren't,they can come out of the blues when you decide to make someone happy.
Some of my friends have often seen me smiling at apparently nothing.They ask me why I am smiling,and I dont have any reply.They see me humming to my favourite tune and again ask,"What has come over you,my dear?" And I again dont reply.Sometimes they presume that I am in love.(It is not such a wrong guess,but I fool them by giving excellent excuses).Yes,the memory of someone also refreshes you from inside,so it makes you happy.
Happy people make others happy,as smile is the most infectious disease ever.This is the reason that they are liked by people.
Also,when you love your work,you are really happy.As it doesnt feel like work at all,and it brings accomplishments too as you have done it nicely.Afterall you have put your conviction into it,which reflects.
So just stay happy in this new year,no matter what befalls you.You will be successful surely.

I am dedicating this blog to my friend "VJ" because of whom I originally came up with this idea.It was while answering the most intriguing question of an elaborate questionnnaire he gave to me.The question was"What would you do if you were in my shoes for 24 hrs?"
I gave him a stupid answer which if I had actually done would have screwed up his whole life after those 24 hrs.I said in my defense that I am too self obsessed to become anyone else.(I lied)
But it set me to thinking.I have always believed in the saying that "Humans are never satisfied".The reason is that everyone has a void inside his heart.This void may be small or large,shrinking or enlarging,but it is always there.It is to fill this void that people long for all those things which they dont have,but others seem to have.It is not just a goal,ambition or a dream.Because things are achievable.It is rather like a mirage.You chase things which are not present there,to quench something within you.To have that,you may wish to the extent of swapping your life with someone else's - pursuit for an ideal life.
You may get what you want the most in this process.So it seems like an excellent proposition.But,is it?As long as the fellow being is a human,the void is there for an eternity.Just that, it will take a different form,shape or size now.As the acceptance of this new life must be absolute, a completely different baggage of responsibilities, fears, problems, anxieties, longings etc. befall you.Then to cope up with it,you will also need the mind, heart and soul of the other person.Not just the body.Expensive deal, huh ! As it reminds one of the story of the toothbrush and the toiletpaper.
Hence,the answer to VJ's question, if he had actually asked me for a switch instead of just becoming him for one day,would be,still a 'NO'.Bacause I dont feel that we may be able to cope up with each other's voids.Let them remain lurking where they belong.

After seeing "Fanaa",when we were getting out of the theatre,someone commented...why did they need to show "Aamir" dying in the end?
Imagine the story with a different end,and see if it remains as poignant and as effective....
Well it cant.We must swallow a few bitter pills if we want to learn a few important lessons in life.
The decision which "Jooni" takes was ,as she says,was one of the two bad decisions she had to take.....She took the one which was the need of the hour.
We do take such decisions in real life too.And learn to live with it.

It sounds filmy........of course,it is filmy,or may be this line came up from the back of my mind from some stupid management fundas book i may have read sometime.
But there is a price tag attached to each and everything in this world.Sometimes u can see it,sometimes it is hidden.
U get in return for what u pay.If I have to use a better word I would say "invest".Something similar to "as u sow,so shall u reap".
If u get something easily it costs u dear later.If u get something hard earned,it is for u for all ur life,provided u pay the maintenance charges,or in other words if u value ur possessions......ur hard earned.........
U say something bad to others,it comes back to u in some way or the other........
U do something good for others,even if u dont know what good u did.......that person becomes ur saving soul to repay......
It may happen the other way round too.....Someone does u a favour and u get a chance to repay in some way........
Keep doing what u must,Always accept,and never expect......this is what one of my dearest friend says.Though it may seem masochistic,but it is one of the truths of life.Bcoz what u accept might be better than ur expectations.....u never know!